Why am I still seeking her approval?

You know it is amazing. I didn't realize it until today as I thought about the way I am raising my kids. I had this fleeting thought about how one day his mom would say what a wonderful job I did raising my kids. I stopped in mid-thought and thought why do I care????? Because I want to be seen as capable and smart and a wonderful Mom and given credit to how well my kids are turning out. Nope....not going to find it there. She can't even be proud of her own son and tell him!!

I ran across a card today that my mother sent me before I got married when I was struggling with his family. I couldn't believe the words my Mom wrote to me. It acknowledged who I was and how proud she is of me. Easy to swallow when it is your Mom. Then there is Joe. He loves me because of the wonderful woman I am and the strenghth I possess. I can't look for that approval from her because #1 I am to blame for her son getting in trouble #2 she can't even see what she is good at, #3 she can't even say it to her own family and #4 she will refuse to tell me even if she felt it. I lived in a world for the last 10 years that the only time I was praised for something because I was good at it and I should keep doing it (ie cleaning the bathrooms). I was always disappointed because the person that was inside me was never, ever recognized. I need to start looking at it as their loss and stop looking for the approval and accept I will never, ever get it. he is still looking for it and he is 38 years old. Not worth looking for the rest of my life. Instead, I need to turn my attention to the people who think that I am wonderful, strong, sweet and loving.