Giftedness

Over the last year our new pastor has been hitting us over the head trying to get us to recognize in us our giftedness. The bible verse from Matthew 25 has also been hitting me a lot.

It will be as when a man who was going on a journey 7 called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. 15 To one he gave five yalents; 8 to another, two; to a third, one--to each according to his ability. Then he went away. Immediately 16 the one who received five talents went and traded with them, and made another five. 17 Likewise, the one who received two made another two. 18 9
But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and buried
his master's money. 19 After a long time the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them. 20 The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. 10 He said, 'Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.' 21 His master said to him, 'Well done, my good and
faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master's joy.' 22 (Then) the one who had received two talents also came forward and said, 'Master, you gave me two talents. See, I have made two more.' 23 His master said to him, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you
great responsibilities. Come, share your master's joy.' 24 Then the one who had received the one talent came forward and said, 'Master, I knew you were a demanding person, harvesting where you did not plant and gathering where you did not scatter; 25 so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground. Here it is back.' 26 His master said to him in reply, 'You wicked, lazy servant! 11 So you knew that I harvest where I did not plant and gather where I did not scatter? 27 Should you not then have put my money in the bank so that I could have got it back with interest on my return? 28 Now then! Take the talent from him and give
it to the one with ten. 29 12 For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 30 13 And throw this useless servant into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.

I feel so blessed in my life that I have been able to recognize my talents at a very young age. Music was something that I retreated to many, many times as I was angry. However, since I made the decision to make my gift my career the enjoyment I used to feel for this talent is gone. To me anymore it is hard work. It is a struggle because it is no longer for me but for others. I no longer sing in church which I enjoy but the idea of having to go to the church for two hours and give of myself after giving 40 + hours to the church during the school year is just too hard. I have been thinking of doing a slight career change. I am passionate for the learning disabled especially autistic students and have been contemplating going back and getting my Special Ed certification. I do have my reservations though. Could I handle it and be a good Mom to Adam who does take a lot of thought and attention? Would it be a good career move for me? Would I enjoy this....Could I handle the tremendous amount of paper work that goes with the job? Hard questions. Joe handed another idea to me which is teaching computer application courses to adults. He thinks I could work only one week a month and make more than I am now. I am just at a career crossroads. I just feel right now I am just falling so short right now of many of my self expectations. I know that I can be a perfectionist of some kind but with low motivation. There are some weeks that I just put myself on cruise control and just coast because I don't know how to cope at times other than that....however, I am finding that it is getting me into trouble. I just can't find enough time in every day right now to get things done. What isn't helping is that I can't fall asleep until midnight every night. I just need to be self disciplined.

Ok...so what does this have to do with giftedness? I am wondering how I can be more effective in my life to show my giftedness. I know I am more gifted than just in music. But how can I best show those gifts in my life more right now because I just don't have much more to give. I know, I know....adjust, adjust adjust....and there is so much of it right now that it does seem overwhelming and all I can do is put it in God's hands to give me the energy to handle all the problems I have.

It seems lately there have been more struggles than rejoicing but I am working on hard things which are tough for me...and when things are tough I tend to complain a little more and wonder where God is in all this. However, I can look behind me and see God at work so much in my life in the past almost two years.

I had a conversation with Jim last night and I told him I am very wary of him. He scared me so bad that I never, ever want to be in that position again and I am not going to let him. I realized I was at the bottom when I was scared and I have just been climbing this incredibly steep mountain and again I am at a section in which the cliff looks impossible to climb....but with one hand, one foot at a time....I can succeed and God won't let me fall too far....This is a God inspired path.