Christmas Memories!!!

We put the tree up today. What emotional rollercoaster for me!! First thing I pulled out was two Santa hats and popped them on the kids heads. I told them...everyone is a Santa. Kaitlyn took that and ran. Mom, everyone is a Santa....You and Joe have pretend hats on. I had the Christmas music on the stereo and Joe was typing feverishly on the computer. I opened up the first ornament and it was wedding gift that said OUr first Christmas together 2000. I thought I had thrown it out. As I pulled out all the ornaments, memories from the last 15 years flooded in. From good people who have floated in and out of my life, to a failed marriage, to the memories of my kids and finally who I am now. Adam was singing with the Christmas carol on the stereo Gloria in Excelsis from Angels We have heard on high. Both kids took ornaments and decorated the tree filling the bottom of the tree with tons of ornaments. I asked Adam to put things up as high as he could and soon Kaitlyn was asking "Should I put this up high or lowly." Adam was now singing another Christmas carol.

I was sitting there and all of a sudden I remembered Tom, my colleague, who just found out he had cancer on Friday. What things were like this weekend at his house and if they were putting up their tree what it would be like. Or all my friends that are facing a Christmas who have lost jobs in recent weeks. I wondered where the magic of Christmas went as my children would never have the pleasure of being in the same place every year.

I remembered how magical Christmas used to be when I was a kid and all the ornaments my Mom used to pick out and hang reflecting the years events. When I was moving I couldn't stand to have the ornaments of the years before and threw them away. I had a dated ornament from every year since 1999 to 2006. I just couldn't hold on to a few of them. One of them was the first Christmas together...or the one with his and my name on it the Christmas after we were engaged. Or the year that we bought the house as this year it was foreclosed on. I have thought about starting over...but I just couldn't. I found Kaitlyn's ornament from the Christmas after we found out she was on the way and the parents to be part was gone. I was fighting back tears.

All of a sudden in all her joy, Kaitlyn was jumping up and down and yelled "This is the best Christmas EVER!!" I couldn't hold the the tears back and Joe noticed. He left the table and came over and held me as I cried tears of sorrow, tears for the past, present and future and tears of happiness all rolled into one. I was realizing that my dream was coming true...the magic of Christmas was alive in my home. In the hearts of my Children. They will know no other life as being in the same place for Christmas. But the tree that is in my house they will know as the tree of memories and I need to continue to plaster it with bits and pieces of our life...so I guess I will be going out to find the 2008 ornament.....but wait....I was just reminded as I typed I bought one on Thursday. An angel...a messenger of the restart of my life and my family.