He had the kids for the weekend except at night when they came home with me. Friday night went fine and Saturday was more of a challenge. That night his parents were there. So he had a laundry list of stuff his mom probably wanted to tell me. So he started in. "They went to the Fire Department and got on a fire truck. Adam has homework to do. He also needs to be put in shorts that fit...they fell off all day. Kaitlyn needs to be put in different shoes. She has been complaining her feet were hurting for the last two days." All this going on as the kids are telling me everything that they did. I was on over load. I finally turned to him and said "Jim lay off." And got the kids in the car and left. I realized as I washed dishes after getting the kids to bed that it was exactly what he did when we were married. Badger, badger, badger. I have had no badgering for awhile. So I sat down and talked with Joe to make sure what I got upset about was correct and he pointed out I reacted in the same exact way he wanted. Emotionally. He suggested to put it back on his shoulders. Adam has homework.....so what are you going to do. He is only at my house to sleep. Adam's pants are falling off....so what are you going to do about it. Kaitlyn's feet hurt....so what are you going to do about it. So Joe and I sat and rehearsed a conversation I had with him on Sunday morning. Here is how it went.
Jim I am sorry I snapped at you...but you were out of line the way you were badgering me. Joe and I took care of Adam's homework last night. If Adam has homework you have a choice you can either work with him or he will have to come home an hour early in order for Joe and I to work on it as when he comes home he comes home to sleep.
Adam's pants has a drawstring on it. I think you know how to use them and tie them up. Please solve the problem when it occurs.
I am letting Kaitlyn make her own choices about somethings. I told her that morning to put on a different pair of shoes but she chose these shoes. I told her they would hurt but she chose to still wear them. This is the consequence she has to suffer because of her choices. The fact she chose her tennis shoes today versus those shoes yesterday is a result of wearing the bad shoes.
I then turned and walked away. The abuse is stopping. He is an adult and going to have to solve his kids problems or he will end up losing time.
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Good for you Theresa. My first thoughts about Adams HW and pants were why couldn't he help him with the homework or go buy him shorts that fit or pick up some new shoes for Kaitlyn. You are right, he is an adult and unfortunately needs to be taught to take some responsibility. At least that isn't totally your calling any more.
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